Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
