Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
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and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
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I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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