It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
