I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
