mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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