And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
