Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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