You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
