My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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