so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
where am i from again
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
