I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
