I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
