I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
