this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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