are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
