Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
