Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
