mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
