"it" just moved
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
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We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
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Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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