obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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