I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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