Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Dignity is for republicans.
My vagina just recognized that song.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
