I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
