i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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