the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
