I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
