i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
