Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
