i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
