KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
