Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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