How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
