I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
