"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
