You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
