she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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