Well apparently he's into motor boating.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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