Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
