Got a toothbrush?
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
