I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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