Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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