I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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