my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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