Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
