I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
