Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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