so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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