hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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