i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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