omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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