woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
