There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
