ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
