problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You've changed since you got that strap on
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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