My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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