She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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