Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
