do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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