I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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