do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
