They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
