I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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