so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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