i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
