My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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