I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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