so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
