she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
