Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Someone shit on the floor
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
