I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.