You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?