Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(419): View more from Ohio

watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced

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(708): View more from Illinois

I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt

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(203): View more from Connecticut

well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"

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(248): View more from Michigan

dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call

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23 Annoying things Girls Do When They’re Trying To Be Cute
Read it at the TFLN blog
(609): View more from New Jersey

at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning

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(240): View more from Maryland

Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.

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(410): View more from Maryland

I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic

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(970): View more from Colorado

There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them

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