I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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