she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Randomize
