dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He shit in the fireplace
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
