he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night