And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
