Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
