Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
