Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Randomize
